ラブコメ警察(群体男子i)

 幼なじみの女子に起こされて登校してきた輩がいる――
 通報を受け、当局はただちに捜査に乗り出した。
 通報してきたのは、中等部三年の男子生徒T(仮名)である。Tは今朝の登校中、以下のような会話を耳にしたという。
「まったくもう、ひとりで起きられないってわかってるのに、どうして目覚ましかけないのよ」
「うるさいなぁ、忘れたんだからしょうがないだろ」
「なによその態度。人がせっかく起こしに行ってあげたのに」
「はいはい、ありがとうございますー。でもおまえ、勝手に部屋に入るのはやめろよな」
「外から呼びかけてたらいつまでたっても起きないでしょ? 時間ないんだから大目に見なさいよ。ていうか文句言われる筋合いなんてないし」
「はいはい、すみませんでしたね」
 ――身の毛もよだつ思いであったとTは語る。
 校門にほど近い場所であったが、始業間際の時間帯だったため、周囲に本校生徒の姿はほとんどなかった。幼なじみの手によるけしからん覚醒を迎えたばかりか、二人並んでの登校である。この破廉恥極まりない行為が多くの生徒の眼前で繰り広げられなかったのは不幸中の幸いだった。とはいえ、問題の二生徒に人並みの羞恥心は期待できそうにない。放置しては一般生徒への影響は計り知れなかった。一刻も早い解決が求められる。
 該当生徒の割り出しが急がれた。事件当時のTは、登校中に背後で問題の会話を聞いただけで、容姿等は見ていない。振り返るなど、とてもできなかったという。
「もし……もし美少女だったらと思うと、おそろしくて……!」
 誰もTを責めることはできなかった。彼はいわば被害者なのだ。多くを望むのは酷といえよう。
 ただひとつの手がかりは、問題の二生徒は校門をくぐってすぐに別れたことだった。女子生徒はTと同じく中等部の校舎に来たとのことなので、男子生徒は高等部の生徒と思われる。学年差のある幼なじみ。妹的存在。捜査にあたる彼らの胸の内で、熱い炎が揺らめいた。
 しかし、ここでひとつの可能性が浮上する。妹的存在なのではなく、実の妹ではないのか。
 Tが再現した会話内容からは、それを判断できる根拠は得られなかった。Tは幼なじみに決まっていると強く主張したが、個人の印象では参考の域を出ない。
 だが、実の兄妹だとすると仲が良すぎるのではないか、という意見も彼らの中から上がった。異性の兄弟姉妹というのはもっと殺伐とした間柄で、だらしない兄などという存在は最低ランクの扱いを受けるものであり、同じ人間として認識されているかどうかすら疑わしく、会話が成立することは極めて稀なのだという。この意見に賛同する声は思いのほか多かったが、どうにも私情が入りまくっているきらいがあったため、やはり参考の域を出ない。
「ま、待ってくれ! そうは言っても妹は……妹だけは内心で兄を慕わしく思っていて、ふとした拍子にそれが垣間見えて小悪魔的に誘惑してくるものなんじゃないのか!?」
 それは魂の慟哭とも言うべき痛切な訴えだったが、単なる願望であることがあからさまなので参考にはできない。しかし彼らの胸には深く確実に響いており、打ちひしがれた心に慰めの言葉を贈るとともに、架空の妹談義にひとしきり花を咲かせた。
 有意義な脱線ののち、とにかくどうあれ問題の二生徒を特定しないことにはどうにもならないという結論に至った。しかし中高一貫の本校の生徒数は膨大で、ろくに手がかりもなしに二人の生徒を探し当てることはいかにも無理だった。こうしている間にも、問題の二生徒は臆面もなくいちゃつき、そのくせ関係性を否定し、それなのにいつのまにか付き合っていたりするのである。無関係で健全な生徒たちの心が不条理に乱されることを思うと、彼らの胸に焦燥が募った。なぜ我々はこうも無力なのか! それもこれも、Tが臆病風に吹かれたせいだ! そうだそうだ! Tはどこだ! ここだ、引っ立てろ! そいやそいや! 彼らはTに私的な制裁を与え、ひととき溜飲を下ろすのだった。

この小説について

タイトル ラブコメ警察(群体男子i)
初版 2017年4月15日
改訂 2017年4月15日
小説ID 4920
閲覧数 357
合計★ 15
こてさきのてばさきの写真
熟練
作家名 ★こてさきのてばさき
作家ID 1074
投稿数 16
★の数 55
活動度 1588

コメント (16)

弓射り 2017年4月19日 6時22分18秒
ギャグって銘打ってしまうと、中途半端かなと思います。
クスッとくる言い回しが多いので、内容は充分読み応えあります、プロジェクトX風のナレーションで頭のなかで再生したら面白かった。

しかし、ドカーンと笑える箇所は設定されてないので、ラブコメ警察っていう如何にもポップな題名と、ギャグってなると、もっとあざといくらいのコントを期待してしまった部分があります。
続きがあるかわかりませんが、ギャグだったらもう少し暴走気味に振り切れてほしいところ。






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chenlixiang 2018年3月26日 16時46分33秒
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2018.3.26chenlixiang
dongdong8 コメントのみ 2018年4月23日 16時34分48秒
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20184.23wengdongdong
chenminghui コメントのみ 2018年5月2日 19時16分36秒
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chenminghui20180502
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yaoxuemei20180518
Roger J. Taylor コメントのみ 2018年6月5日 16時03分36秒
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xukaimin コメントのみ 2018年6月20日 12時07分51秒
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2018.6.20xukaimin
fghfghgff 2018年6月21日 14時14分27秒
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clibin009 コメントのみ 2018年6月22日 16時33分25秒
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